The last time I used this space, my specific goals and uncertainties (read: anxieties) were different. It’s been so long. In fact, in trying to make this post, I had difficulty choosing an image, but I feel like I chose the right one. I can’t help but roll my eyes a little bit, because it is from snapchat and yes there is a filter, but out of all the Ingrid Michaelson-inspired watercolor splatters I’ve made (all one of them), I am pretty proud of this. And it’s applicable to these last three years in the way that catchy indie pop songs are.
If all my relationships stayed the same over these past years, I wouldn’t have a problem doing some sort of month-by-month recap. But as I scoured the folders on my laptop, the faces I saw, the memories I was attempting to capture, they were full of people that I no longer talk to. There are some that I cut out of my life intentionally, and some who have drifted away by accident. Through it all, I realized I was nostalgic for the feelings. Things like the warm touches and the laughs that made my belly ache and those really good meals every time we would splurge at a restaurant – all of that I missed. But if I’m being honest, there aren’t many people I actually want to reach out to and try to make things work. No rekindling, no reconnecting. Such is life.
But this doesn’t mean I want to avoid the people in these photographs, no. If we’re brought together, I’d want to talk to them. I’d want to see how they are doing. “How are you doing? Is this what you thought it’d be?” I’d ask.
(“Are you happy?” is what I mean)
And if they asked, or if you want to know how I’m doing, I’d tell you: I’m content. I am now anchored into my community, and I will be here as long as they will have me.
I’ve learned so much in these three years, and I know there’s so much to come. I’m excited to share it with you all.