To 2015

Things I want to be better at
Some goals, accompanied by a ballpoint sketch of my likeness

It’s that time of year again – the time when Facebook gives you aesthetically pleasing end-of-year retrospectives and we all try to dream up some goals for the unmarked squares on the calendar. There are sweets and twinkling lights everywhere and our wallets have become much lighter than usual.

It’s the holiday season, friends. And it’s time to reflect.

But for the first time (in forever?), I don’t think this will be as lengthy as the posts I made in years past. Part of this could be the fact that I’ve become better at debriefing and checking in with others verbally. It is also possible that I prefer sharing the details of my service day with my teammates simply because they get it, without any extended explanation needed. There’s comfort in that.

Yet I can’t help but wonder what others see during our mini-reunions over breaks and weekends. Before dismissing this as an irrelevant insecurity, it’s important to note that this is a natural curiosity. No matter how strong our sense of self is, the question has crossed our minds: “What are you thinking when you look at me?”

I imagine they see me as busy and tired. Those are true statements. But do they see the intentional moves I have made? Or perhaps beyond that: Am I myself able to see how I’ve changed/am changing?

It’s a strange place to be in, but one that becomes clearer with constant check-ins with yourself. Sometimes that’s the best thing you can do. With every get-together, I’m realizing that the goal isn’t to make another person completely, one thousand percent, no-questions-asked understand you, but instead to gather plain ol’ support.

We need all the support we can get. The world is too chaotic for us to just let everything pass through us.

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